So this motherhood thing isn’t anything new. Humans have been doing it for a long time. However today I had an epiphany. And it involved the “mom brain.” As many moms know, and those that live with us, you have a baby*, and half your brain falls out. In other words, you forget everything you meant to do. I have found a few reasons why people think this is so: lack of sleep, sex of baby (girls apparently are supposed to cause worse mom brain), maternal amnesia, mood swings, etc. I have a different theory. We are busy. Period. That’s all there is to that. Not just a normal busy, though, like we all say we are**, but a kind of disjointed, confusing busy. I’ll explain what I mean using today’s antics my son and I were up to.
The little munchkin has been sick lately with a cold. Nothing super serious, but still, I know he feels crummy and can’t breathe very well***. So here we are today, it’s 9a.m., and every time I blink, it takes a crane to open my lids back up. I’m tired, obviously. Wait, back up. Let’s start beginning with last night.
It’s 12:40a.m. He’s screaming his fool head off in his crib. Why, you might ask, you horrible, horrible mother? Well because he wouldn’t fall asleep. And I was going clinically insane. I had been trying since 9:00 p.m. to get him to go down. He kept teasing me with 30 minute cat naps all day, two to be exact. He usually goes to sleep around 10:30p.m. for good, meaning all night-ish, save for a 3:00 a.m. feeding. So, I would rock him (he’d squirm), and walk him (he’d see his toys on the floor and want to play), sing to him(no go), and lay down with him (he wanted to play with me) and there was not a glimmer in his eye of sleep. The sandman was on vacation apparently. (Actually the sandman was off on a business trip. That’s the last time I let him go on a business trip.) Finally, around 12:30 a.m., I had had it. I put him in his crib hoping against all hopes that he would just pass out. He chose to scream instead. Now I’m not a fan of the cry it out method (Sorry, Ferber.) When he started screaming I figured he would stop rather quickly since he had to be worn out. No, he screamed for what seemed like an eternity, but it was really only 10 minutes. All this time I’m taking a chill pill so I can morph into pseudo sandman from lunatic crazy woman. I go in there and pick him up, say a few soothing things and he passes out on my shoulder. I fall in love over again. Now back to today, skipping all the night time fiascos.
It’s 9a.m., remember? He’s up for good now. We had no coffee in the house so he and I drove to the gas station to get some much needed coffee. Remember: uber-sleepy. So we do our morning thing of playing, and cleaning and general silliness. This would include: watering the plants outside (thank you drought), vacuuming and dusting (it’s Tuesday), getting the Netflix movie out to the mail box (that’s been playing in the Blue Ray player since Saturday, we never turn the stupid thing off), sucking out snot, changing diapers, messing with the broken A/C, picking up small, chokeable objects, etc, etc. It comes close to his naptime (11a.m), which I can tell when without looking at the clock because he just gets generally fussy and the music playing octopus just doesn’t cut it anymore, so it’s probably time to put him down. I think to myself, “He hasn’t eaten much all morning (probably because he just can’t breathe that well with his stuffy nose),” so I decide to put him in his high chair and try to get him to eat some baby food, first. So I grab him, because he’s crying. I get a plastic bowl, spoon, rice cereal, and a jar of food. I walk to the table. His highchair tray is dirty as is his chair because I didn’t clean it last night. So I have to put him down to clean it. Cue crying baby. (If you’ve never had a crying baby around while you’re trying to get something done, you should try it. You get really efficient at doing things…and real quick, too.) So I go to the sink. Dirty dish water. I drain the water, and run a new sink full of clean, soapy water. While that’s filling up I go to the drawer to get a dish rag. No rags there. Look in the dryer because it’s full and there might be one in there, and empty it because there is a wet load of clothes in the washer needing to be dried. Go to the living room to dump clean clothes to be folded next week…I mean later. Turn off the running water. Pick up some dirty dishes and trash and go to the kitchen to throw away trash and put dirty dishes by the sink. Oh yea, I was looking for a dish rag. Can’t find any. Switch the wet clothes to the dryer. What was I doing? Can’t remember. Go brush my teeth since I haven’t yet. Oh yea, dish rag. Forget it, grab a dish towel. Twice the cleaning area anyways. Ok, clean highchair tray. Now I clean the chair itself. Move it back to the kitchen table with the clean tray. Gross, leftover food from last night that I also didn’t clean up, i.e. dried up half an apple and apple skin where I shaved it off for him to eat some apple sticks, the knife I used and the plastic baggie the apple was in. Ok, pick that stuff up and go to put the knife in the dishwasher. Dishwasher is full of clean dishes. Need to empty but I don’t feel like it right now. Put knife in sink. Throw away apple junk. Text message…answer that. What was I doing? Uhhh….don’t remember. Get on Facebook and post something stupid. Oh yea, feeding the baby. Need to go to the bathroom. Wash hands, and we’re back. Where’d the baby go? Ah ha…in his room playing with toys. Anything chokeable in there? No, so I take the Netflix out to the mailbox and turn on the water to water my dying plants. Back inside, check on baby. He’s good. What was I doing? Uhhh…..Oh look, some new coupons to print off! Geez, still haven’t eaten anything all morning except a cup of coffee and a few Pringles. Look for something to eat. Oh yea, need to feed the baby. Grab the baby, and put him in the highchair. Try to feed him. He wants nothing of it. I eat a spoonful of his food and pretend it’s delicious. Ha! He opens up for two bites. And now starts fussing. What is wrong? Oh yea, he’s sick, hasn’t eaten much. Poor thing, can’t breathe through his nose. Get the snot sucker, suck the snot, royally piss off the baby. Now he’s covered in snot, and baby food, and screaming. JOY! Forget the feeding. Get dish towel in the sink full of soapy water, wipe down high chair tray, wipe him down. Throw dirty towel and dirty tray on table. Pick up baby and soothe. Baby’s seems happy again and wants down. I put him down and wander off to pick up the poopy diaper still on the floor from his last changing before he tries to eat it. Baby is fussing. Pick him up and go to check the mail. Oh yea… I was supposed to put him down for a nap an hour and a half ago.
Did you keep up with that? Neither did I.
*I commend all those mothers out there with more than one child.
**I’m not saying I’m busier than you.
***We have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. YAY!
